“Now that I’ve properly sat down for what feels like the first time all day, I realise how emotionally draining I’ve found it. I honestly can’t actually remember much from today...anxiety does that to me, it blurs things, even my vision changes. I had a five-hour train journey from Sheffield to Winchester - including a tube.
As London got closer and closer whilst I was sat on the train, I felt the panic rising. Although I knew it wouldn’t be good, a part of me wanted to do it just to see how it’d go. I won’t lie to you though; I did seriously consider spending silly money on a taxi all the way from London to Winchester just to not have to deal with it. The barriers, people, ticket machines and lack of air completely overwhelms me - it’s just such an alien environment like the oxygen just disappears as soon as you step on the escalator. Whose idea was it to it to dig a tunnel under the city for humans anyway? It’s just not normal!
The reason I was coming back from up North at all is because I just feel so trapped by my History MA that I just need to get away on the weekends...those days of freedom away from it all are so important for me. So far, I’ve been to Eastbourne, Christchurch, York, Ireland, the Isle of Wight - even Norway. I don’t tend to plan where I go, just pack a bag and see where I end up. I usually find BnB’s en route or camp but one time it was the first beach I found on google maps, just me and a sleeping bag!
Despite all of the obstacles uni sets for me, I won’t be beaten. I will reach the end and make it to the PhD which is ultimately my end goal...something I never thought I was capable of.
But I will do it.”
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